Tag Archives: sleep

Two weeks & 8lbs down!

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Important news first:  Lost 2.4lbs this week!  I’ll be honest I was hoping for 3, but I will totally take 2.4!  :)  That brings my two week total to 8.2lbs down, and I really feel good.  My clothes feel a little bit looser and I can see that I’m less puffy in my face.  I am planning to take pictures of myself for every 10lbs or so that I lose, so I’m looking forward (relatively speaking) to taking new pictures to see if there is any difference that you can see from a photograph.

This weekend was exactly what I needed!  Preston and I packed up the car and drove down to central Illinois to visit my best friend Katie and her amazing little girls Lorelei (3) and Sophie (8 months).  They recently moved to a new house and this was our first visit there.  Katie and I have known each other since we were 12 years old – talk about the most awkward stage of your life ever!  We have managed to maintain our friendship over hundreds of miles for the past 11 years or so since we finished high school.  She is truly my best friend and I always feel refreshed after a visit with her.  Preston and Lorelei have known each other since infancy and get along really well – they had a blast this weekend!

Katie got out the little pool for the kids.  We took them to the park in the morning.  I made dinner for Katie and myself after the kids were in bed and we had ourselves some wine and girl talk in the hot tub.  We had a great time.  I think that making sure I have fun things like trips down south planned are really beneficial to my overall wellbeing.  And weekends that Preston is with me seem to be the hardest part of the week for me, so it was a great way to spend our weekend.

We came home on Saturday night so that we could be home on Sunday for a big family meal with my sister’s in-laws.  Sundays are typically a day that my dad cooks dinner.  He is an AMAZING cook.  He smokes meat and other various things and has really taken a liking to cooking for the family on the weekends.  The hard part is that its not generally the most healthy stuff – and I certainly have no idea on calorie counts.  Last weekend I requested he make something healthy because it was Mother’s Day and I got to have an input.  This weekend however was a different story.  He made steak with a garlic/butter sauce, smoked potatoes covered in cheese and bacon and grilled asparagus covered in an unknown amount of oil.  My mom also bought a cake to celebrate my sister and brother-in-laws anniversary.  I started the day as usual with some Fiber One for breakfast and a piece of fruit.  But I quickly realized that it would be a really challenging day to stay on my diet.  Additionally Preston had not slept well Saturday night, which meant I didn’t sleep so well, and when I’m even a little bit tired I struggle to feel like I want to make good food choices.

I ultimately decided to just participate in the meal and get back on track this morning.  Since we had company I didn’t want to draw attention to myself requiring a different menu and the food looked really good.  I thought through everything and thought that if this is to be a realistic, life long change then I don’t want to always feel like I have to abstain from the feast.  I certainly can’t join in every weekend but this was one I wanted to enjoy.  I do wish we ate more food that fell on the healthier side of things but I can’t change what everyone else eats so there are times I just have to say no.

After dinner yesterday I felt a little disappointed in myself for not being strong enough to do my own thing.  I went online and looked at a variety of inspiring things to help keep me motivated – in the past I may let a choice like enjoying Sunday night dinner turn into a complete deviation from the diet for several weeks.  I was catching up on some of my blogs and was motivated by reading the story of Katie’s (different Katie than my best friend) success of completing her first marathon yesterday!!  It was a long and hot journey for her and she even contemplated only running half of it but she persevered and completed the whole thing.  Reading her story helped me to remember that you can’t get down on yourself for deviating for a moment or two from your plan.  Its all about the big picture and pushing yourself to keep going even when you want to cut the journey short.  Thank you Katie (she’s at www.runsforcookies.com – check her blog out!) for inspiring me to stick with it and keep going.

This morning I got up and took Preston to the gym and burned 750 calories on the elliptical!!  My knee hasn’t been bothering me much and I felt great through the whole workout.  We did our weekly grocery shopping and I wasn’t tempted to buy anything that’s off limits so that was also a success!  Now I’m watching Alice in Wonderland with Pres and can smell my dinner cooking in the crock pot :)  (If it turns out as good as it smells I’ll be sharing the recipe tomorrow!)  Hope you all had a great weekend!

How’s that working for you?

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Yesterday was the first day I had to work since starting my diet.  Have I mentioned I love my job?  I do.  I feel like it is the perfect job for me and it also allows me to be home with Preston a bunch which is really good for the both of us.  I love my job because of what happens when I’m working with couples or families (or individuals).  Perseverance, rethinking, clarifying, honesty, change.  I offer possibility and perspective that my clients may have been unaware of before they came into the office.  I encourage people to see how they impact their world, their family, and themselves – and when they don’t like the impact they’re having I help them find ways to change.  The job requires a delicate balance of stirring the pot and being sensitive and empathetic, being straight-forward and walking the winding path with your clients.  It’s a great job for me.

At one point last night I felt a twinge in my chest and I began to think about food (in an unhealthy, binge triggering kind of way).  I observed this and moved on as I was focused on what was happening in the session but as I drove home last night I began to think about the feeling I had and the topic that was being discussed.  The topic was how a married couple could rely on each other and work together when parenting… every time this topic comes up it reminds me of what I don’t have in the parenting department (a partner) and sends a signal to my brain to cope with emotions I don’t like eat to dull the pain.  Like I said before, in session I can observe it and move on and remain focused but its after work that those feelings come up for me.

In the past year I had developed a habit of coming home from work (around 10:30pm) and eating.  On one hand sometimes I didn’t have dinner before I went or I ate very little before I left for work because I was rushing to get Preston to bed and therefore I would feel hungry at 10:30.  But mostly it was an excuse.  Late night eating has always been a struggle for me – and tends to be a time most overweight people indulge because no one is around to watch.  So on my way home from work I’d stop and get a second dinner or I’d come home and eat whatever I could find in the pantry.  My after work eating was not an all out binge in the 5,000 calorie range or anything, but it was an additional meal which was still likely over 1000 calories so still a binge in my book.

On top of possibly feeling hungry this was also a way of avoiding feeling sad or frustrated about the situation I find myself in, in terms of single parenting and lacking a partner who supports me.  I am so good at avoiding those feelings – I would come home eat my meal and watch TV until midnight or 1am to completely distract myself from thinking about how I felt (and virtually trash myself for the following morning).  I would let myself get lost in TV shows just to escape and avoid feeling.  Of course, no one can keep those feelings inside forever so they’d bleed out in various areas of my life – onto Preston, in my attempt at co-parenting relationship with Justin, to my lack of effort put in other areas of my life etc.  So clearly this was not really working for me, but eating and avoiding has been how I have coped for many years.

So back to last night.  As I drove home (passing Taco Bell, Chipotlé, McDonalds, Five Guys etc) I thought about how easy it would be to go home and follow the same pattern of eating to dull whatever pain or discomfort I was feeling.  But I knew if I indulged I would only be perpetuating the problem.  So I told myself no; no Megan you don’t need to eat anything its 10:30pm you need to go home and go to bed.  So that’s what I did.  One might argue that I still avoided the feelings I have about disliking my single parent status, but I am not sure that 10:30 at night is the best time to attempt to process those feelings anyway.  In fact, I know its not because it would’ve kept me up until well past midnight.

I woke up this morning feeling really good.  I was also proud of myself for doing what I knew I needed to do.  It gave me confidence in myself.  It helped me believe that even though I want more for my life than living in my parent’s basement and being a single mom, I can still be content in the present.  I can still manage me.  AND the more I manage myself now the better the future looks for both myself and for Preston.

Being aware of the triggers…

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I was thinking it would be worth my time to think through and blog about the things that seem to trigger unhealthy decisions that lead to a binge or feeling like I’ve failed and then let go of my determination and focus.  These things may change over time.  As I remember when I was successful for a long-span of time the things that seemed tempting in the beginning became less and less tempting as time went on.

I mentioned in my last post that getting enough sleep was something I wanted to make a priority for a variety of reasons.  one thing I know from previous experience is that when I am tired I have far less energy to make healthy food choices and struggle to get enough exercise/movement in.  So to avoid falling off the wagon my first goal is to really listen to my body and get enough sleep at night – no more staying up till midnight watching TV shows on Netflix.

Homemade baked goods, celebratory goodies.  At some point I hope to be able to indulge in a slice of birthday cake or a few sweet treats during the holidays – but for starters it is probably best for me to steer clear.   My birthday (and Preston’s birthday) is at the end of June, my hope is that will be the first time I let myself have a small piece of something yummy.  It would be completely unrealistic of me to ask people not to have sweets around me, but maybe being sure that if those things are at the house they are out of sight.  And let’s be honest no one actually NEEDS those things sitting around, especially before the warmer months kick in when its nice to feel a little thinner anyway.  Thankfully between now and the end of June there aren’t any family birthdays that need to be celebrated so that might also be helpful.  Any suggestions for curbing that sweet craving when others are indulging would be helpful!

A major weakness I have is fast food.  Not just the drive through kind but any food that takes little to no prep time.  Its all generally unhealthy and I want to try not to indulge in “fast food”.  As I recall from 7 years ago I did eat a lot of salads from Panera, Corner Bakery and any other little sandwich place that sold fresh salad with chicken and little else.  It really helped a lot with my weight loss – but since then I’ve tired of your standard salad so there is really little reason be heading to those places on any sort of regular basis.  I’m thinking using things like the crock pot can be helpful having things ready when I want them but fresh and healthy.  I’m a big fan of your basic sandwich but have begun looking more into wraps that I can pack full of fresh veggies.  Chipotle will ultimately be the hardest to abstain from because it is SOOOO yummy.  I have several recipes that are similar in ingredients but keep the calories down so it might require me being sure they are on my weekly schedule at least once to keep the Chipotle cravings down.  Another way that I might make room for something like Chipotle is going with a friend to keep me accountable and only eating half of what they serve me because the portions are really large.  Another part of this equation that will likely prove to be really helpful is my plan to meal plan several weeks ahead of present time.  Having a plan of what I will eat and when will help me avoid the, ‘I’m hungry now and I don’t know what to eat…’ moments.

Feeling lonely or any pity party type feelings really trigger me to want to eat for comfort.  I have found that there are even specific days and times that I feel more apt to eat for comfort.  One time is Friday evenings – I work until about 530/6pm and then I come home and typically do my laundry and catch up on TV shows.  I am generally alone and isolated and that triggers me to feel crappy and want to eat.  Preston goes to bed really early 630/7pm so if I’m not working and he’s not at his dad’s house then I put him to bed by 7pm and spend the rest of the evening alone.  Did I mention I’m an extrovert?  All the alone time I get is more than I need/want.  And because eating is a generally shameful thing – even when I’m eating “normally” – all the alone time lends itself nicely to overeating.  So while I can’t change the fact that I am hanging out at home while Preston is snoozing away I can be more intentional about how I spend that time.  If I’m getting enough sleep I will hopefully have the energy to do more than sit on the couch and catch up on TV.  I’m thinking – exercise DVD’s, Wii Fit, stationary bike riding, crafting, organizing, prepping meals for the following days, or blogging.  I think if I can get myself to 8/830pm without overindulging then I can slip into bed and reward myself with an hour or two of TV or book reading.  The other day/time is weekdays when Preston and I have nothing planned.  T/Th he is in school in the morning so I try to go to the gym or fill that time with something that is easier to get done without him.  Wednesdays he has a gymnastics class in the middle of the day and that breaks things up a bit.  Fridays I work half of the day so we are usually pretty busy in the morning getting ready to leave the house.  I guess it is Mondays that are the hardest – they also tend to set the tone for the week.  So if Monday doesn’t go well the rest of the week usually doesn’t.  So it looks like I need to make some more concrete plans for us on Mondays: play dates, sign up for a class, trips to the zoo or arboretum, weekend visits that have us leaving Monday morning, or some other intentional use of our time.  Of course there is laundry and toy cleaning/organizing and all those at home responsibilities but they don’t seem to pull me away from that blah feeling that leads me to comfort eating.

There are likely others – but I’m drawing a blank.  I think primarily keeping me more mentally focused and ensuring I’m eating enough/sleeping enough will really help me avoid triggering thoughts to overeat or eat junk food.  What ways do you avoid triggers to eat poorly and ruin your diet?  What kind of activities do you participate in to avoid bored eating?  What is the one food that other people just can’t eat near you without you feeling like you want some too?