This week I have been inching my way closer and closer to being out of my largest size!! I didn’t actually think it would happen this fast, and maybe I’m jumping the gun a little bit but I think I am for the most part down a size!!!!!! This is cause for celebration – not eat a piece of cake celebration, but jump up and down and dance kind of celebration. I have been in denial for the past two years that my shirt size had gone up but I had accepted the pant size. I think I have been a size 22 for the past 3′ish years. Yikes!! It’s weird how 7 years ago (before I lost the weight the first time) I was a size 20 at the same weight – but I did have a baby in between there and that certainly added to some fluff to my midsection I am not sure I can fit into the size 20 jeans that I have (they may be juniors 20 or target 20 – either way they run a bit small) but I am wearing my size 20 black pants to work today and I don’t look like a stuffed sausage!! Haha. I even pulled out a sweater that I ordered online over a year ago (maybe 2) and by the time it arrived at my house it was too small – or some of that denial influenced which size I ordered.
Either way I am happy to be strutting my stuff in my size 20 pants and size 2x shirt The smallest size that I got to several years ago was a 12 and I hung on to those “skinny” jeans all these years and I can not wait to fit into them again and then get to thin for them so that they become part of my pile of pants that are too big! I’ve never been one to sport great fashions but I’ve always secretly wanted to. When there are only a handful of stores to choose from the selection is SO limited. It is hard to have a style of your own – you just have overweight person style – we all wear the same stuff from the same 4 stores. I remember getting small enough to shop at Anne Taylor LOFT, Gap, Banana Republic, and mostly any store I wanted to, it was the most freeing feeling.
After I had lost about 75lbs during the summer of 2005 a friend of mine came over and
forced helped me to get rid of all of the clothes that no longer fit me. I had a good time putting on various pieces that had been some of my favorites but had become way too big. It was fun to see how much I had changed. It was scary, but felt pretty good to fill up several garbage bags full of clothes that I told myself would never fit me again. Once I started gaining again I was mad I had donated all that stuff because it required me to buy all new clothes in sizes I didn’t want to be in. The theory is that if you get rid of your big clothes it will be motivation to keep you from gaining the weight back – at least for me – that had no effect on me gaining weight. It just made me mad when I thought about the old stuff that I had gotten rid of so carelessly (or so I believed at the time).
As I put on weight I REFUSED to get rid of any of my smaller clothes. I had two huge bins, one small bin, and an enormous suitcase filled with clothes size 12 to 20. As I gained weight I added more clothes to the boxes. Some of those clothes have been in boxes for 6 years! About a year and a half ago a friend of mine lost most of her wardrobe in an apartment fire and so I opened those boxes up to see what I could offer her in her time of need. It was sad for me to look at those clothes that I had bought when I was thinner and to think if I had only maintained my weight I could still be wearing them. The only clothes I didn’t offer were race tshirts, workout clothes (because the good stuff is expensive and I’m particular about workout clothes), and anything with sentimental value – like my size 12 “skinny jeans”. She helped me pare down my collection from 3 boxes and a suitcase to just two large boxes. They are still sitting in the corner of my room. Staring at me. Sometimes I want to open them up just to look at the stuff inside – to remember feeling thin and carefree. To remind myself that I fit in those things. That they aren’t beyond my reach. And today is the first day I got to peek into my old stash not for nostalgia sake, but to pull out a pair of pants and a sweater that actually fit me to wear to work. Now that feels pretty damn good!