Monthly Archives: June 2012

birthday party prep never ends…

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I haven’t done any official exercise since Friday – I think!  Yikes!  Saturday Preston and I ran errands for his birthday party.  Sunday was Father’s Day and I ran errands instead of working out.  Monday I was doing heavy lifting at my aunts but I don’t count that as official exercise.  Yesterday we were watching my nephew and now its Wednesday!  If you don’t work really hard to get workouts into your schedule they simply don’t happen!!  Its been a nice break, but I know I need to get back on the horse PRONTO!

I have a standing elliptical date with my friend Marissa today at 4pm so I’ll definitely be able to make that.  Tomorrow is tough because Pres and I are headed back to the city for more packing at my Aunt’s and then I work in the evening.  Friday I may have to force myself to go to the gym in the morning before work.  And by “I may have to” I mean I WILL. Saturday I have to cut the grass and that I count as a workout because there is hardly one stretch of flat ground on the whole lawn and its about an hour of work or more so that counts to me.  AND its all I’ll have time for before Preston’s birthday party!!!

I’m thinking I will weigh myself on Saturday morning this week instead of Sunday because I will likely have a piece of cake at the party and then I’ll be celebrating my friend Heidi’s birthday Saturday evening and who knows what food and drinks will look like then.  I am not planning on much of a loss this week because of the lack of exercise and the indulgence on Father’s Day.  Who knows?!?!?

The last few days its be SO HOT!  I’ve been trying to up my water to at least 100oz each day.  Its hard to get it all in but I am definitely finding I want to drink more water when the temperature is so high.  Its also helpful too encourage Preston to drink a lot more water.  Hopefully I’ll have some good news about my weigh in on Saturday, if not I’m hoping next week (my birthday week – and Preston’s) I will hit the gym more and clean up my eating so that I see a decent number by Thursday which is my big day.

Summer is in full swing!

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Sorry I’ve been MIA for a few days!! Last week and this week are fairly busy for Pres and me. But it’s a good thing to have lots to do so I’m not complaining! Let’s start with some happy news: I lost 2.6lbs this week for a total of 20.2lbs in 6 weeks!!!!! I super happy. Still averaging about 3lbs a week which is fabulous.
Last week I stopped logging every meal in MyFitnessPal and just tried to remember where I was at calorie wise but was more relaxed about it. I had Jamba Juice twice last week – yum. I also had the chopped salad from Portillos twice. As you can see I eat out more when I’m busy and haven’t adequately planned meals, but it seemed to work out ok for me last week.
I worked out four times last week. I was feeling drained so I didn’t push myself beyond what I committed to. I did the elliptical twice, rode my bike once, and attempted running once. The run was the worst but best workout of the week. My friend and I went to the park that has a 1.2 mile loop we did it twice and walked a lot and ran some. Holy moly! I am not in running shape. It was exciting to feel out just how much work I’d have to do to get in shape for a 5k but it makes for a good goal. I only like running outside so I can only do it when Pres is occupied elsewhere.
This weekend I worked on a practice cake for P’s birthday next weekend. I am making a six layered rainbow cake so I made a three layer one this weekend to practice. It’s not from scratch because just baking six different layers and constructing the cake is enough for a novice baker like me. It turned out great so I’m optimistic about next weekend.

I have a lot of cleaning and prep for this coming weekend. I’m also helping my aunt pack her condo to move this week so I am crazy busy. I planned out meals and shopped this morning so my food will be good till the party. Exercise is probably not going to be happening too much but i’ll be busy enough. Ok time for me to get to work!!! Hope you all had a lovely weekend!

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Sometimes its a hard conversation.

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Yesterday I had a lengthy conversation with Preston about why he doesn’t live with his Mom AND Dad.  Over the past few months he has begun asking little questions here and there, but yesterday was the first time he really was looking for answers.  We were talking about a friend of mine who recently had a baby and how that baby lives with both her mommy and daddy.  Preston asked something about why he doesn’t have that kind of family (this stuff tugs on my heart strings so bad!).  I told him that families come in all different ways – some kids live with a mom and dad, some with one parent and their grandparents, some are adopted because their birth mom and dad can’t take care of them, some have two mommies and no daddy, etc and I explained he just has a different kind of family than the baby we were talking about.  He seemed ok with that explanation and was quiet for a minute.

“Mommy maybe you should marry Daddy and then I can have that kind of family.”  Ugh!  How do I avoid that?  I tried to tell him that his mom and dad used to live together and decided that they really like being just friends and not married.  He continued with his questioning, “Ok but are you going to get married to someone?” I only pray about it daily!!!!!  “Yes, Preston, hopefully someday I will get married.”  He thought a minute about this and then said “When you get married I can have a brother.  I don’t want a sister anymore, I want a brother to play with.  Ok Mom?  Can I have that?” While this whole conversation was happening my heart was just melting for my little boy who has such a different reality than I did at his age in terms of his family structure and it makes me sad for him – mostly because it’s so foreign to me.  I tried to explain to him that I can’t guarantee a sibling for him someday but I told him that someday he can definitely have a dog, a boy dog :)  Preston was perfectly satisfied by the idea of having a dog “brother”.  He went on to talk about what color dog he wants (purple) and what he might name him.

I’ve always tried to be very honest with Preston.  Whatever the topic is I try to age appropriately answer Preston’s questions about life.  Even the ones that lead down the road to sex ed (don’t worry he’s not asking specific questions yet, but I plan to be very straightforward about that stuff).  In my opinion talking about things honestly now will make things clearer in the future and may hopefully encourage him be more willing to talk to me in the future.  When it comes to explaining why Preston lives with his Mom, Nana, and Pops most of the time and his Dad every other weekend I continue to be very open about the facts and why things are the way they are, keeping in mind he is just a child.  I don’t know if this is the best route, but it feels right for us.  His dad hasn’t really weighed in on how he’d prefer these things were handled so I’m just doing it my way.  My biggest fear is that when Preston grows older he will ask why I chose to have him when his father and me were not married and broke up so shortly after he was born.  In his questions about his family structure now, he dances around this question with only the understanding of a small child so I have told him that his mom and dad wanted him so much and God blessed us with him even though we wanted to just be friends.  I know its a bit fluffy and its not totally straightforward but it is true that I wanted to be a mom more than anything ever since I was a young girl, I always wanted a little boy, and Preston has influenced my life in a direction I would not have taken had I not gotten pregnant so I do believe God divinely intervened in Preston’s conception (as I believe he does in all conception – but that’s not what I’m talking about now).  Anyway – such a challenging topic to broach with him but I’m hopeful that he will be able to sort out the logistics of his family structure and the fact that he is very much loved and very much cherished by many people.

He really is such a joy!  Thanks for listening to my rant, as a reward I will end this post with a video of Pres singing one of his favorite Disney songs :)

Diet Dessert?!?

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Today was quite the day!  An afternoon at the pool (preston is SO close to being able to swim) and then a trip to the gym – burned 810 calories :)  Now I’m fed, showered, Pres is in bed, and I’m watching TV, life is good!  I was actually thinking today I am starting to really transition into the “i actually like exercising” part of this journey.  My body is responding well to being pushed some but not so hard I’m having any pain or anything.  I did two bike rides over the weekend.  First was with my sister, Meredith, she was in town for a brief visit.  We biked 7.64 miles on Saturday.  On Sunday I went riding with my dad for about 6.2 miles.  Both rides felt good and are getting me closer to my June goal of 10 miles!

So after weighing in yesterday and being excited about the loss and doing my 6 mile ride I decided that dessert for lunch was totally AOK!  I had been eyeing these mini graham cracker pie crusts I bought FOREVER ago.  So I busted them out and was thinking something chocolate peanut buttery.  I was going to use PB2 to make the peanut butter part but I thought since I could use the calories I’d use a TBSP of Skippy.  Then I took half a cup of Jello Chocolate Pudding to top it off!

Look at that!!  And it was DE-LI-CIOUS!  The pie crust was 110 calories, peanut butter was 95 calories and half the cup of pudding was 30.  So that’s 235 calories for a delicious little treat.  I paired it with almonds and called it lunch because the day was kind of weird in terms of timing of eating and like I said I wanted dessert for lunch :)  I was thinking adding a little marshmallow fluff or something would make for a fun s’more type dessert. Here’s another picture so you can see how big this thing is…

So its not super huge but with real peanut butter and some chocolate goodness it was pretty savory.  So that’s my Monday.  How was your weekend?  How was the start to your week?  Any good desserts this weekend??

I’m on a roll!!

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Happy weigh in this morning!!!!  3.8lbs this week!!!  For a total of 17.6lbs in 5 weeks :)  This makes for a very happy Megan.  I had a feeling the loss this week would be decent due to last weeks low loss.  But it is nice to see that I’m just cruising right along.  I am hoping to lose 6 more pounds by my birthday on the 28th, hopefully that will be a no brainer.

I have started really going through the parts of my closet that have sat quietly waiting for my return for years :)  Haven’t gotten to the boxes of clothes that don’t fit yet, but its fun and exciting to pull out clothes from before Preston was born and actually fit into some of it!  The best part is I am finding a few work clothes to tide me over for now.  I don’t care if my clothes are baggy when I’m hanging around the house or running errands with Preston but I don’t want to wear baggy pants to work.  So that is all very promising.  Excited to get down to an 18 – haven’t worn that size in 5 years probably.  :)    :)    :)

This week I did a much better job of getting myself all the way to 1200 calories and then some.  I made sure to have a larger breakfast and snack some as well.  I intentionally burned calories/worked out 6 days this week, which felt really good!  I am surprised how well my body is accepting of the way I’m pushing it – in fact I think my body is really happy about it.  I was talking to a friend the other day about starting a C25k program but wasn’t sure if I’m ready to do that.  I’d still like to drop a little bit more weight before I start that so that I’m not putting so much strain on my body, my knee is finally not experiencing much pain at all going up and down stairs or anything so I don’t want to screw that up by straining it.  Maybe after I’ve lost a total of 25lbs I’ll revisit the running thing.  My only true running goal is to be able to run the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving.  I ran a turkey trot/thanksgiving morning race with my family two years in a row and I wanted to make it an annual tradition and then I stopped running and gained weight and drifted from that but every year I think about it and wish I was in shape to do it.  So this year I’m definitely planning to Turkey Trot – but I’m completely confident at this rate that I”ll be prepared to run a 5k by the end of November, so I might sign up for a 5k for September or something to work for.

I decided I’d like to set up a few mini goals for myself each month just to keep myself pushing.  So here’s a short list.

  • Do a 10 mile bike ride
  • Lose 15lbs this month (June 6 to July 6)
  • Get 5 work outs in each week
  • Start running

Its not much, but it’ll push me to work this month.  Like always the food is the most important part.  I promised myself I’d do a good food plan last week and I didn’t, so this week I HAVE TO DO IT!!  I really need to throw some variety in there and have bigger variations in my day to day calorie intakes to keep my body guessing and working hard.  I’m thinking maybe 2-1600 calorie days this week and one 1400 calorie day and the others closer to 1200 to see what kind of reaction my body has to that.  Hope you had a good week and met whatever goals you set out for yourself!

One Month Down!!

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I kind of forgot yesterday to mention that I am officially one month and 14lbs down!  Woohoo!  I feel so good and optimistic about losing this time around :)  I need to do an update on my pictures (yes I know I’ve posted none of them, I’m still feeling a bit shy) but I redid my measurements and was completely shocked at the changes!  So let me share:

  • Waist: -3.0 inches
  • Hip: -3.0 inches
  • Ribs: -1.0 inches
  • Chest: -3.0 inches
  • Upper arm: -0.5 inches
  • Thigh: -1.0 inches

Whoa.  That is so encouraging!!

This past month I think I did a number of things really well.  One thing is my earlier bedtime.  Getting more sleep at night has definitely helped me stay the course – the days I’m not rested have been the rougher ones for sure!  Eating as much fiber as I can has helped me feel full longer and has helped with cravings as well.  Additionally the 96+oz. of water that I’m drinking every day help me get by between meals/snacks without feeling hungry.  I really didn’t think I would exercise as much as I did this month because I thought it would feel like too much, but I’ve really only done what I want to do and just pushed a little to head to the gym if I’m not in the mood.  But it definitely always helps me feel better.

When I started last month I was able to do about 35 minutes on the elliptical comfortably and 40-45 was pushing it.  I am now regularly doing 60 minutes on the elliptical and at a higher resistance and feel really good through the majority of the workout.  I exercised 19 of the past 30 days.  At the beginning of the month I was a tight size 22 pant and am now a barely tight/just right size 20 (that was unexpected).  This month we went from Pres being in school and taking gymnastics class to summertime and ballet class :)  The transition time is always interesting.  I have posted 4 new meals that I have repeatedly enjoyed this month.  My average pounds lost per week is 3.5.  All in all a pretty respectable and exciting first month.

Hump Day

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Sorry about my lack of participation yesterday – I really hit a mood and wasn’t sure how to pull myself together enough to not sound all complainy.  Anyway – today is a better day!  Preston had his first ballet class today (highlight of the day)!!

I asked him a few weeks ago if he could do any sport he wanted this summer, I listed several, what would he choose.  And ballet was his number one!  So I signed him up and today in a class with about 12 little girls he got his ballet on.  It was really cute and he came out of the classroom doing some sort of ballet type move and told me he loved it and wants to do it again!  After ballet we headed over to return our WAY overdue books/movies at the library.  During the school year it was so much easier to remember when books were due and plan our trips to the library – gotta adjust to a new schedule.  So we finally got them back and I let him play for an hour.  He loves playing at the library and its the only place he actually regulates the volume of his voice so I’m all for it :)

This afternoon I have an elliptical date with a friend at the gym and then I have work this evening.  Not a bad Wednesday at all.  Although as I sit here typing I’m realizing that I didn’t stick the dinner I had planned on in the crock pot earlier today and now its a bit too late so I’ll have to get creative and come up with something else… story of my life!  Haha.

I’ve noticed that my energy in general has been down this week and part of last week.  I think one thing is that I haven’t been eating as many vegetables (have I mentioned this before??).  Several months ago I dabbled with eating vegan and I read a lot about it and such and somewhere along the way I read about how we derive so much energy from plants because they derive their energy from the sun – so its kind of like the closest link to deriving energy from the sun.  Ever since I read that I have definitely seen a correlation between my plant intake and my energy level!!  And I like to think about the sun fueling me from the inside out :)  So this week I’m trying desperately to do more veggies!!  Maybe this is just a blah week for me – everyone is entitled to having one of those every now and then.  The good fabulous news is even though I don’t feel so great about myself, my life etc I haven’t really had any urges to indulge in off limits food or even binge on acceptable food.

I am sitting here just realizing that the reason I may be feeling so blah is that I’m going on two weeks of full time mommy duty.  My only “off” time is when he’s asleep.  There’s not even any tag team with anyone, just me and I really do look forward to the every other weekend that I get to myself when Pres goes to visit his dad.  I think whats getting under my skin the most is that I’m not so sure he is going this weekend and all I want is a break!  I just gave Pres a lecture about wanting Five MInutes Peace from him – do you know that book?  It was a fun one from when I was a kid that I bought for Preston when he was little and we enjoy reading it.  Its nice because it also helps him get that mommies sometimes need a few minutes to themselves.  Even though I know its ok for me to want some time to myself it makes me feel like a bad mom when I plop him in front of the TV so I can catch up on my blogs or read a book for half an hour.  I know I’m not – I know a lot of moms can relate to this feeling – but its hard not to feel it in the moment (or at least when admitting it to  other people).  My only justification that my illogical emotional side will accept is that he hasn’t taken an afternoon (or any) nap since he was a little over 2 and a half.  Maybe closer to 3.  But man I used to live for those naps when I could either be super productive or super lazy.  It was nice.  So I guess this time is our down time and I need to be ok with it.

Alright enough rambling from me.  Hope you’re all having a good week and enjoying or managing the transition from spring/school year to summer/schools out!

Pity Party for One Please

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I’m having a being-a-single-mom-sucks pity party tonight.

Therefore I have no post.  I don’t want to be all whiney and that’s all I feel like doing tonight.  Finally went to the store and bought more veggies and things to make better food for myself so that hopefully I see some sort of loss this week.  To be honest I don’t care tonight – not in a i’m-gonna-binge-i-need-comfort kind of way just a i-don’t-have-much-to-say-thats-productive-and-my-weight-is-the-last-thing-i’m-thinking-about-tonight kind of way.

On a positive note: the weather is GORGEOUS tonight!!

…You are not the Biggest Loser

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This morning I opened up my email and found this waiting for me…

Just a couple of weeks/months ago I signed up at NBC.com to get info on when they were casting for the next season.  Looks like its coming up at the end of this month.  And the Chicago location is barely a stones throw away from my house!  But as soon as I opened this email a wide smirk passed across my face.  I don’t need this information.  I’m doing this on my own.

After watching season after season of this show (the show started around the time I was losing weight – 2005/6) I began to dream about being a contestant.  I am fully aware that the way they do things is a bit controversial but I wanted the results.  I held myself back from auditioning for the past three years because I’m a single mom and couldn’t fathom being away from Preston and/or figuring out the childcare situation.  I always wonder how contestants are able to just take a leave of absence from life and most have a spouse taking care of their children and jobs that allow them to do something like this – or at least I assume.  I however don’t know anyone that would be able or willing to sign up for up to 4 months of 24/7 childcare of Pres and I only get paid when I work and if I stopped working I’d have to rebuild my caseload and so it just hasn’t ever felt totally right for me.

This year I thought: If I don’t lose the weight really soon I continue to run the risk of shortening my life and if I die how would all those logistics get figured out with someone having to raise my son etc.  I decided that this year I would audition so that maybe if I were picked I could get out of the danger zone and live a long life for Preston.  I thought if its in God’s divine plan for me to lose the weight and do it by being on the show I’ll get a spot and somehow I’ll figure out the childcare/no income thing.  I mean I somehow managed to get through graduate school with a toddler!

And now here I am, one month into making some drastic changes for my life and feeling good about where I am ALL ON MY OWN (well sans show at least).  Receiving that email reminded me that the plans we make for ourselves are not often the way the plans play out.  It motivated me to keep on trucking.  The people who wait in line and audition for the show are not where I am.  They are where I felt I was when I signed up to receive the email.  I feel blessed and excited that I can delete that email and not worry about logistics of child care, just logistics of feeding myself the right fuel and getting my workouts in.  It reminds me I’ve come a long way mentally in the weeks/months since I signed up for that email, and that will help me keep on, keeping on.  :)

Have you ever considered auditioning for Biggest Loser?  Have you ever actually auditioned and gone through that process – I’m always curious about the behind the scenes stuff.

Weigh In

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I only lost 0.8lbs this week.  I have to admit I was a little bit disappointed when I weighed in, but at the same time I just knew I wasn’t going to have much of a loss this week.  Paired with my big loss last week, and I just didn’t feel so great about this week.  But after the initial let down I was fine with it.  For one, I knew it wasn’t going to be a big loss and since that was confirmed now I know that weeks like this past one don’t yield such big numbers.  Also, it means that hopefully next week will be a good week.

I’m pretty sure I know where I went wrong last week.  For starters I didn’t eat enough calories!!!  This is becoming a common theme and I think it relates very closely to the way I was limiting calories at the end of my last significant weight loss.  Its definitely not the same, it just relates.  I am good at eating really minimal calories and less good at being flexible and allowing wiggle room.  But counting calories has really helped me see this so I think this has been a fabulous learning experience.  Once I notice I am not going to hit 1200 calories I tend to eat enough to get me caught up.  Leading me to the next problem – I eat too few calories all day and then at dinner I eat more because that is when I realize I won’t have enough for the day.

So this week I’m going to plan it all out again.  Down to the calories to make sure I’m getting enough during the day.  The thing is since I’m not eating huge meals anymore, my stomach has gone back to regular size and so the meals I am eating keep me full and I sort of forget about eating until I get hungry and then its too late.  So I have to get ahead of this pattern and just plan out the times in which I’ll eat, and what.  I’m thinking that including more snacks will do the trick.

So my total loss is not at 13.8lbs down and I’m totally ok with it.  I like this journey; it even surprises me that its been a month already.  I definitely feel like my body is changing and my clothes are fitting better every single day :)  And that makes me feel fabulous.  As well as the energy and lack of severe pain in my knees :)  All in all the month has been good.

Since I’m upping the snacks this week I’d love some ideas about good 100-200 calorie snacks.  Hope your weekends were fabulous!!