Big news first: I LOST 5.8LBS LAST WEEK!!!  :)

I know the first week loss is usually more than the second so I am prepared to have a lower loss for this coming week.  But I was really excited to see that I lost almost 6lbs last week.  I am still playing with the calorie counts and such.  I wrote in my last post that I’m struggling some days to get in 1200 calories.  But then again, I find myself second guessing the MyFitnessPal app constantly.  It said I burned almost 1100 calories the other day just cutting the grass and going for a 3.5 mile bike ride – IDK I just don’t believe it.

I guess over time I will trust it as long as I keep losing.  And if I’m losing – I’m happy

This weekend was kind of interesting.  I spent the majority of it all alone.  Literally.  I tried to make plans but nothing came of it.  Friday nights are the hardest on me when I come home from work and have nothing to do but sit by myself in my room and watch TV.  I’M 28 YEARS OLD I DON’T WANT THIS TO BE MY TYPICAL FRIDAY NIGHT!!  But it is.  Anyway, Saturday I woke up and went into the office to do some filing and organizing.  I played music and worked for several hours.  It was nice to feel productive but felt a little lonely (mostly because I didn’t want to be alone).  After work I went to the gym.  I really didn’t want to go but I knew that since I had to weigh in on Sunday morning that it would be good to get a sweat session in the day before.  I actually sat in the parking lot for ten minutes before going in – I really wanted to just go home and nap (probably my body’s way of convincing me to avoid all those lonely feelings).  But I pulled up my boot straps and went into the gym and ellipticalized for 45 minutes.  It actually felt really good.  Go figure  My knees had been feeling really good and I knew I was in for some discomfort so after the gym I came home and iced my knees and popped two ibuprofen.  Worked out pretty well!  Saturday night I spent alone watching TV again.  Any other ideas on how to spend my weekend nights alone without getting sucked into the boob tube?  I like reading and do that sometimes but TV is easier to multitask (Pinterest, Facebook, blog reading, etc).

Sunday was Mother’s Day and I was dreading it.  My friend Johanita (my only single mom friend) and I had been texting back and forth about our feelings of this day.  In my four years of being a mom on Mother’s Day it hasn’t really lived up to they hype – at all.  And that’s likely true for a lot of mom’s.  But for me it is a day that reminds me how single I am and thats depressing for me.  Preston was with his dad for the weekend and they showed up early with flowers and a card that Preston wrote in.  It was really cute and made me feel nice.  The celebration with my mom and sister and her family all went fine but I still just felt blue about it all.  After Pres was in bed and the company was gone I went back to my room and felt REALLY lonely.  Like, what a boring weekend.  Oh well, I’m looking forward to next weekend when Pres and I drive down state to visit my best friend and her family

Last night when I was feeling lonely I wanted to eat.  Of course.  I actually did really well yesterday considering all the chips/guac, amazingly yummy pesto and pita chips (both of these dips homemade by my dad).  My mom also made cookies and brownies this weekend – talk about tempting food being in my house!  Not helpful!!  Anyway, for the most part I didn’t really want any of it.  I chewed on some gum while everyone was snacking.  It was when I was alone that I really felt hungry.  I let myself have a Jello Pudding (sugar free) for dessert and while I still felt hungry I just told myself that was it.  This morning I decided I’d try and eat closer to 1300 calories today to see if the hunger monster (that is probably just loneliness) will go away.  Breakfast was fine.  I made Preston’s lunch first – as I do most days and I wanted to eat it so bad.

But how could I steal from a face like this??

It looked so good and really probably wasn’t more than 600 calories, but I knew I shouldn’t copy his lunch and do grilled turkey and cheese with butter so I trimmed mine up a bit and came up with this…

I took a whole wheat tortilla and smeared 1/4 C of fat free refried beans on it then added two slices of reduced fat swiss cheese and put it in my skillet over low heat covered it until the cheese melted.  When it was done I added some shredded lettuce and leftover green beans from yesterday.  It was delish!  And very satisfying.  So I turned it around a bit  And it actually helped with the hunger monster.  So maybe the hunger is more about calories than loneliness after all.  Who knows!  I’m just going to keep doing what feels good for me and hopefully the scale will continue to give me good news.

How was your Mother’s Day?  Any hunger monsters living in your belly?  What are your favorite leaner version meals of things that you really love? I’m not sure my lunch was a spot on leaner version of Preston’s but it made my belly happy.