The day is half done and I’m feeling really good.  Hopefully building steam on this ‘ol diet.  Its amazing to me how quickly I can feel a difference.  I don’t wake up feeling as puffy or groggy in the morning – I still don’t like getting up but its bearable now.  I also feel a bit more clear headed – I’ve always wondered if I have a mild case of ADD because I only fully complete things when I work really hard to stay focused.  I also lose my train of thought mid sentence frequently… the only way I can describe it is I just feel distracted frequently.  I can certainly get things done and all that, and I don’t know if my “symptoms” are spot on with the diagnosis of ADD (I should know since I own a DSM-IV ).  Anyway, in the past few days I feel a little more like I can quiet the chaos in my brain a little better.  Its still there just a little quieter – so that is awesome!

Last night I started experiencing some really painful knee pains – I have what is described on the inter webs as “crunchy knees” (chondromalacia patella).  I fell on my right knee and split it open requiring several stitches about 3 and a half years ago, there was no bone damage visible on the X-ray but I can guarantee you there is some soft tissue damage.  That knee has never been the same.  I think after I hurt that knee I started over compensating on the left and now with the burden of supporting all my weight my left knee has become unhappy and complainy too.  I am generally just careful, but let’s be honest I’ve been sitting around a lot so the little muscles in my knees are weak and all the movement is aggravating to the “crunchy” parts (I believe its something with the cartilage giving up on me).  So yesterday after doing the elliptical and hustling up and down the stairs all afternoon sorting toys and moving them into Preston’s room, my knees began to ache.  I decided to ice and take two ibuprofen with the hopes that I wouldn’t have to slide down the stairs on my butt to get to my room and it really  helped!!  I was happy and after the ice and ibuprofen I walked downstairs just fine.  SO… ice and ibuprofen will probably be my good friends until I can whip this body into better shape, hopefully I can get my weight down and my knees strong enough where I am not feeling this pain as much, or often.  Additionally, I have been told that while the elliptical is nice in terms of lessening impact on joints it can be brutal on knees because it keeps them in the same motion over and over… I’m not sure how much I believe this because I find the elliptical very comfortable when my knees are behaving themselves, but I do notice an increase in irritability when they’re being cranky knees – the elliptical just seems to exaserbate the pain.  So today I avoided the gym (it’s beautiful today so I wouldn’t have wanted to go to the gym anyway) and I took a bike ride on my new bike while Pres was at school  My neighborhood is pretty hilly and the leg muscles required of me to bike have been resting for years, so I don’t go far or long but its really fun!  I basically found the closest flattest area from my house and rode around it several times then went home.  It was nice to get moving and not experience knee pain afterward!  Although the crotch pain is another story – gotta get me some of those fancy bike shorts to save the lady bits!!

I had another weird moment of insecurity today.  I was getting out of my car to head into Target (let’s be honest I hadn’t showered and had zero make up on so I wasn’t looking my best as is but it wasn’t that) and I got that sudden panicked feeling of insecurity.  It was interesting this time to be able to recognize that this is simply the self-awareness that I put away for the past few years as a way of coping with how truly insecure I have felt (see this post for my attempt at explaining that further).  It was nice to feel it for what it was, tell myself everything would be fine, and get on with things.  It was also nice that after I told myself that my thoughts haven’t drifted back there since.  :)

So that’s how things are going today  How is your day going?  Have you ever heard of “crunchy knees”? I hadn’t.  What do you like to do to get out and enjoy the weather when its nice?