Let’s talk clothes!!

Posted on May 31, 2012 by jumpstartingme2

This week I have been inching my way closer and closer to being out of my largest size!! I didn’t actually think it would happen this fast, and maybe I’m jumping the gun a little bit but I think I am for the most part down a size!!!!!! This is cause for celebration – not eat a piece of cake celebration, but jump up and down and dance kind of celebration. I have been in denial for the past two years that my shirt size had gone up but I had accepted the pant size. I think I have been a size 22 for the past 3′ish years. Yikes!! It’s weird how 7 years ago (before I lost the weight the first time) I was a size 20 at the same weight – but I did have a baby in between there and that certainly added to some fluff to my midsection I am not sure I can fit into the size 20 jeans that I have (they may be juniors 20 or target 20 – either way they run a bit small) but I am wearing my size 20 black pants to work today and I don’t look like a stuffed sausage!! Haha. I even pulled out a sweater that I ordered online over a year ago (maybe 2) and by the time it arrived at my house it was too small – or some of that denial influenced which size I ordered.

Either way I am happy to be strutting my stuff in my size 20 pants and size 2x shirt The smallest size that I got to several years ago was a 12 and I hung on to those “skinny” jeans all these years and I can not wait to fit into them again and then get to thin for them so that they become part of my pile of pants that are too big! I’ve never been one to sport great fashions but I’ve always secretly wanted to. When there are only a handful of stores to choose from the selection is SO limited. It is hard to have a style of your own – you just have overweight person style – we all wear the same stuff from the same 4 stores. I remember getting small enough to shop at Anne Taylor LOFT, Gap, Banana Republic, and mostly any store I wanted to, it was the most freeing feeling.

After I had lost about 75lbs during the summer of 2005 a friend of mine came over and ~~forced~~ helped me to get rid of all of the clothes that no longer fit me. I had a good time putting on various pieces that had been some of my favorites but had become way too big. It was fun to see how much I had changed. It was scary, but felt pretty good to fill up several garbage bags full of clothes that I told myself would never fit me again. Once I started gaining again I was mad I had donated all that stuff because it required me to buy all new clothes in sizes I didn’t want to be in. The theory is that if you get rid of your big clothes it will be motivation to keep you from gaining the weight back – at least for me – that had no effect on me gaining weight. It just made me mad when I thought about the old stuff that I had gotten rid of so carelessly (or so I believed at the time).

As I put on weight I REFUSED to get rid of any of my smaller clothes. I had two huge bins, one small bin, and an enormous suitcase filled with clothes size 12 to 20. As I gained weight I added more clothes to the boxes. Some of those clothes have been in boxes for 6 years! About a year and a half ago a friend of mine lost most of her wardrobe in an apartment fire and so I opened those boxes up to see what I could offer her in her time of need. It was sad for me to look at those clothes that I had bought when I was thinner and to think if I had only maintained my weight I could still be wearing them. The only clothes I didn’t offer were race tshirts, workout clothes (because the good stuff is expensive and I’m particular about workout clothes), and anything with sentimental value – like my size 12 “skinny jeans”. She helped me pare down my collection from 3 boxes and a suitcase to just two large boxes. They are still sitting in the corner of my room. Staring at me. Sometimes I want to open them up just to look at the stuff inside – to remember feeling thin and carefree. To remind myself that I fit in those things. That they aren’t beyond my reach. And today is the first day I got to peek into my old stash not for nostalgia sake, but to pull out a pair of pants and a sweater that actually fit me to wear to work. Now that feels pretty damn good!

Lunchtime Special

Posted on May 30, 2012 by jumpstartingme2

Lunch has always been one of the harder meals for me to come up with when I’m trying to lose weight. Breakfast is easy. Dinner is usually a bit easier for me to decide on, but lunch can be a bit tricky. I typically don’t want to eat breakfast food or dinner food for lunch. I usually just want a sandwich and chips or something equally as easy to prep. I’ve been doing a lot of wraps and quesadilla-esque meals lately. So this one just came out of the desire to eat something more than a turkey and cheese sandwich but something still as satisfying if not more so.

Meet: The Crunchy Turkey & Cheese Wrap

I used reduced fat mayo on the surface of the whole wheat tortilla because I can’t imagine anything without a little moisture to it. I have also used hummus and that is equally as tasty, just didn’t have any today. On top of that I measured a single serving of low sodium deli turkey and one slice of swiss cheese. Initially I thought I would just leave it at that, but then realized that it needed a bit more fluff and a crunch to make it even better and adding veggies are an easy way to get them in as well. I added some sprouts (mmmmmm) and then took a cucumber (skin peeled off) and used my peeler to make thin strips of cucumber (a mandolin would also do the job but I don’t own one). They are perfect in size and create the most perfect and refreshing crunch for lunch in the hotter months. I paired the wrap with some PIRATES BOOTY – aged white cheddar.

I have been thinking that next time I will do an all veggie wrap. I might include cucumber, sprouts, red pepper, carrot, not sure what else, maybe a little bit of onion. I am not into mushrooms or tomatoes so those are out, but I’m sure I’ll come up with something. With a veggie wrap I would definitely go for the hummus. What do you like to put on your wrap? What is your favorite food that you use to add bulk to meals?

—–

I’m currently dealing with some sort of allergic reaction on my face. So not fun! I tried using a new lotion on my face – trying to find something light for the summer – and two days later my face became puffy and a bit bumpy all over. My skin is notoriously dry and sensitive. I’m even allergic to Proactiv and the lotion I used was hypoallergenic!! I think part of the problem this time was that I put it on just after working out. I typically wait until I stop sweating to shower, otherwise I just end up sweating after my shower and then I feel like the shower was a waste of time. Anyway the other day I decided not to wait because I had other things to do and put the lotion on right out of the shower. My guess is that my pores were really open due to the hour long sweat session at the gym. So here I sit with a puffy face, my eyes look like they’re being swallowed up by my face! Hopefully the swelling will go down soon, the daytime Benadryl is making me pretty sleepy too!!! Allergies in general seem to be really horrible right now for everyone due to the mild winter we had. Any of you having your own allergy battles this week??

angry.

Posted on May 29, 2012 by jumpstartingme2

I’m feeling angry toady. Really REALLY angry. My anger is directed at a particular person who made a horrible decision that affects my son. I am so angry about it I could swear for ten minutes straight and I’m not sure I could convey how much anger I feel inside of me. Anger is one of the emotions that I don’t have a problem with feeling and expressing. I am what some in my line of work might deem a ‘quick to anger’ kind of person. Instead of letting things simmer and bother me for a long time without saying anything until I explode (a slow to anger type) I am ready and willing to express my anger when I feel it. Neither way is right or wrong, and both ways of dealing with upsetting things can get you into trouble. But my way is definitely quick to anger. I get angry sometimes about little things and express it and move on without it feeling like a lasting thing. I have scorched a few people in my life because of this trait of mine. But I am also not typically simmering with anger at anyone because I get it out as I express it. This particular situation last night sent me through the roof. So angry that I am struggling to find words to describe it. And as I have grown older and wiser I have made more of an effort not to scorch those around me when I get angry and instead let the feeling subside a bit before expressing it. It seems to be most beneficial for myself and those around me.

When I work with my clients on anger I typically talk about how anger is a secondary emotion. That it is the emotion that rises to the top but there are usually other feelings going on beneath the surface that fuel the anger. Anger is just more socially acceptable than fear or sadness for example. The example I use is: when someone cuts you off you get angry with the other driver, sometimes mutter some choice words at them, and other times whip out the bird and send it their direction. Either way you express anger, but what sits below that is fear. Fear that you could have been in an accident, fear for your safety, and when that was threatened your expression of it turned to anger. So in this time of waiting out my anger I decided to ask myself what is beneath the anger in this situation.

Frustration, disappointment, fear, disbelief, betrayal, and sadness are the feelings that come to mind. Frustration for me is almost always and immediately turned to anger. When I’m frustrated with something anger happens very quickly. A very clever way of avoiding feeling frustrated. Disappointment is something I feel somewhat confident in handling – everyone experiences disappointment and it doesn’t have an isolating feeling associated with it so I’m ok with a little let down every now and then. Fear is something I don’t like, I typically cope with fear by reaching out – talking to people and expressing my fears helps me to normalize my fears and get a grip on reality. I cope with disbelief similarly to disappointment. I don’t live the same as a lot of people in this world, I have different viewpoints and at times other people act in ways that lead me to disbelief but I reason that they are simply wired different than me – I’m big on the ‘different strokes for different folks’ mentality. Betrayal and sadness lead me to eat. Plain and simple, I don’t like dealing with these two. They lead me to feel isolated, lonely, disrespected – and all of those play into my fears & insecurities about my self worth. Particularly in this situation because it was something involving the care of my son it reminds me about my status as a single mom and that enhances my feelings of loneliness and thoughts of “how did I get into this mess?”.

I was proud of myself that yesterday after discovering that my sons care had been neglected and disregarded to the level that is in the ABSOLUTELY NOT OK category I thought about taking a bike ride. I was so mad and had no words that all I wanted to do was get on my bike and ride around until I felt clear inside. So I am happy that my initial reaction for coping was something that is healthy for me. However, at that moment it was time to get my little man some dinner and put him to bed. I swallowed my anger down and focused on my responsibility as mom. After I said goodnight to Preston and shut his door I allowed myself to fully feel/reflect on this information I learned about how he spent his weekend away from me. The anger was so quick to appear that all these other feelings quietly sat unattended beneath the surface. I made my dinner and ate alone. This is when the real stuff started to creep up. This is when I thought about food in a coping/avoiding kind of way. I didn’t actually feel like acting on this desire my body was informing me of – I tried to stay focused, recognize it, and allowed it to pass. I told myself no. I didn’t allow any space to entertain the idea of what type of food I might want to binge on or anything like that. It was the people that read this blog and what it represents for me that helped me shut down that possibility very quickly.

But now I’m left to deal with all this ugly anger and all of its little buddies that follow along behind him. In times like this I think a lot about how much I struggle being a single mom. I tell myself that if I were married I wouldn’t feel so alone. I make up that people that are married always have a person they can seek solace and support in. Rationally I know that isn’t always the case – in fact sometimes it is the person you are married to that brings up the feelings that I have been feeling for the past 18 hours. So I know that I’m lying to myself – that I’m feeling lonely and frustrated (and wanting a prince charming to rescue me) and the story I make up about married people fits with how I feel. But continuing to believe that I don’t have what all married people have is not really helpful for me. I may not have a husband but I have family and friends that listen to and support me. Might it be different if I had a husband? Maybe. But only maybe. So for now I will sit in and process my frustration, disappointment, fear, disbelief, betrayal, and sadness. I will try not to avoid feeling those things and instead let them help me take action. Let them help guide me in what to do next and how to respond to a situation that has left me feeling so angry.

Sunday Funday!

Posted on May 27, 2012 by jumpstartingme2

Weeeeeeeee!!!! I lost 4.8lbs this week!!!!!!! I am totally ecstatic. This brings me to a total of exactly 13lbs lost in 3 weeks! I am really starting to feel a change in my body and at some point the changes will be noticeable to other people and that is really exciting to me! I’m also looking forward to busting out my clothes from smaller sizes. I currently have one pair of work pants – I ironically busted the button on one pair the week before I started exercising and eating better – the work pants I’m left with are cut a bit larger than the ones I broke and they are hanging on for dear life around my waist. It feels really good to see those things happening.

I’m well aware that I won’t be able to keep up a near 5lb weight loss every week but it feels good to have a few here and there. I exercised 4 times this past week. I used the elliptical twice, both times for one hour. One day I doubled up and did the elliptical in the morning and rode my bike for 20 minutes in the evening. Another day I just rode my bike for about half an hour. And yesterday I cut the grass and cleaned all day long so I count that as my calories burns for that day. I tried to focus on just enjoying the activity and not feeling forced to do anything. WIth the weather being nice I’m not wanting to be at the gym every time I need to exercise and I love getting on my bike and riding around the neighborhood.

As far as food goes I stayed pretty close to 1200 calories a day. Last Sunday I am sure I went way over that as I shared last Monday I decided to join the family dinner instead of eat my own stuff. There were two days I fell a little bit short of 1200 calories, which I really don’t like to do it just happened and hopefully next week I can have 7 days of 1200 calories consumed each day. My main goals with food are to get 35g of Fiber every day, always include fruit and/or vegetable with every meal, and try to use them as snacks as well, try to get as much protein as I can, keep the sodium as low as I can by purchasing Low Sodium products and not adding salt to most things. My breakfast was typical two servings of Fiber One cereal with a bit of Truvia and Fat Free Milk with some fruit like an apple or cantaloupe. I’m on a cantaloupe kick right now. Mmmm. For lunch this week I had some leftover White Chili and I also made some wraps with a large Whole Wheat Tortilla, plain Hummus, Swiss Cheese, Black Beans, and thin sliced Cucumber. MMMMMMM. So good!! Dinner this week I also had some of the leftover White Chili, I had the Asian Sesame Chicken Salad from Panera twice, and my sweet potato and asparagus dinner one night. I snacked on Apples and String Cheese, Almonds, and had Jello Sugar Free Chocolate Pudding a couple of times as well.

I always try to drink 96oz of water a day and some days were better than others. I would say 4 days I got all 96oz and the rest it was closer to 72oz. Sleep is another big factor in weight loss and this week was kind of a crap shoot. The week started off horribly. Preston was sick – really just suffering from horrible allergies – so I was up several times in the night with him coughing, puking, crying, the whole bit. It was not fun. We got him on some allergy meds to stop the cough and deal with some other things like a baby ear infection and then sleep returned to normal. Starting Wednesday I probably got 8-9 hours a night the rest of the week. I have to say getting enough sleep helps TREMENDOUSLY with not having cravings or feeling unsatisfied. Yay sleep!

Today I’m planning to go for a short bike ride this morning, head to Mass, then hang out with my Aunt all afternoon Tomorrow I have a workout date with a friend to start the week off right!

How did your week go? Did you have any two-a-day workouts this week? Did you discover any new recipes or meals that you didn’t think would be a great as they turned out to be?

Saturday Check In.

Posted on May 26, 2012 by jumpstartingme2

Tomorrow is my fourth weigh in! Three weeks down The day before a weigh in I am always hyper aware of what my activity level is and what I’m eating. Today I have a lot of cleaning and organizing planned, meal planning, and some sort of work out – probably a bike ride if the weather allows, otherwise I’ll head over to Xsport and do the elliptical. I have definitely been feeling thinner this week. I feel like my body is changing a lot and it probably is changing but so much of that is mental too. I think this week I’ve had a really good mental shift.

I am not as afraid to think about the future and continuing this diet and losing weight. The first two weeks were tough because of switching things up so drastically for my body that I was hungry at weird times and times when I knew I couldn’t eat like bedtime. I was just off a little bit. This week though I’ve been feeling really positive about this change. I am loving all the support I’m finding in family, friends, and the blog-world. Its been SO helpful and encouraging!!!

I am hoping for a more than 3 pound loss this week. We’ll see. If I don’t get it I will manage it but it’d be nice. Either way I know my body is starting to change. I don’t see all the puffiness in my face anymore. And it feels like my waist is shrinking. I’ll do measurements in another week (I’m planning to do them once a month). That should be exciting! Hope you all have fun plans for today and are doing something fun to enjoy the long weekend. I am home alone – Preston is with his dad and my parents are out of town so its nice to just do my own thing for a few days

Facing My Fears

Posted on May 25, 2012 by jumpstartingme2

“Whatever it is we’re afraid of, one thing holds true: that by the time the pain of not doing a thing gets worse than the fear of doing it, it can feel like we’re carrying around a giant tumor.” – Meredith Grey (or her writers)

Just watch the first 2 minutes and 30 seconds of the clip if you’ve never seen this episode. The sound is really quiet but its the best I could find.

I’m not sure what made me think of this episode of Grey’s Anatomy ~~earlier today~~ yesterday but it happened and it inspired me to write about it. If you aren’t a Grey’s fan or haven’t seen this episode this woman comes in with a massive tumor on her abdomen. She hasn’t left her house in a year because of it. At one point in the episode George O’Malley asks her why she let it grow so big and the woman explains that she’s always feared the hospital so she put off going to the doctor. She only decided to seek medical attention when it became unavoidable.

The whole episode is basically about why we put things off and that it is because of fear that we don’t do things. When I think about weight loss, dieting, trying to change myself, etc I can completely relate to this idea. Before I lost 100lbs the first time I was afraid of the unknown, and feared all the work I would have to put into losing the weight. I was also afraid of failing. But that first time was mostly me forcing myself to stop being lazy. This time around has been a different ball of wax. In fact the past 7 years I think I’ve been like this woman, growing a “tumor” (the weight) and being so afraid of dealing with it that I simply avoided it until I couldn’t anymore.

Someone might say a tumor grows out of human control, and I was the one in control of the weight growing. The thing is throughout the past 7 years a lot of it felt out of control for me. I recall times of trying to diet and then on Friday after work feeling lonely or let down or some other negative emotion and I would go find food on auto pilot – literally the decision and execution of finding junk food would happen so quickly I only felt the guilt of breaking my diet after the food was ordered or was sitting in my car on the way home. Often times I would get a bag of chips, or cookies, or some other treat and plan to eat some of it in moderation and save the rest of it, but when I would try to put it away it would sit there calling my name, taunting me until I picked the bag back up and consumed the rest of whatever it was until I felt sick. There are a variety of foods that I have sworn to God I would never touch again if he would just make the sick, I totally overate, feeling go away. In those times I was just too afraid to face the bad feelings so I soothed myself with food.

Other times in the past 7 years I have been stuck in this cycle because of the stream of thoughts I have running about myself as a result of trying to make losing weight about someone else. The woman in the Grey’s episode had witnessed several family members enter the hospital and died while there, so she believed that if she went to the hospital the same would be true for her. And unfortunately it was true – she waited too long and died on the operating table. After dating Chris I believed that even being thinner didn’t make me worth loving. I believed that he proved that to me by not loving me and letting me go when I was trying so hard to be exactly what he wanted. He showed me that I had to be 135lbs and maintain that to be lovable or else I wasn’t. I struggled to believe that at 250lbs if I was laughing and having a good time with people that I was as worthy and lovable as my friends who were at least 100lbs less than me. I believed these things because I had experienced them. At one of my lower weights I recall Chris asking me how I ever thought I was pretty when I was at my heaviest, because I used to say I felt pretty when going out with friends or something. I was at a loss for how to answer it because I did feel pretty. Probably because I was only focused on my face and I like my face. And maybe I felt pretty relative to my size. But, regardless of how I felt pretty at the time, the fact that he asked me that sent the message that I clearly was not pretty then and I shouldn’t have thought that way about myself. So when I put the weight back on it was tremendously hard to have “pretty days”. I also started to interact with the world as if these things I believed about myself were true. Like the way the doctors react to the woman with the tumor; I believed all thin people talked about me and judged me like that every second of every day. I was unlovable if I was fat. I was not funny and enjoyable being overweight. That “pretty days” were only possible for thin people. And the world started to react to me that way. Not that people were more mean or insulting, but the world just didn’t care for me the way it felt in 2005 when I was thinner. Likely this was all a result of perception on my part. The story I told myself about my self worth felt true because I looked for validation of it in everything.

I would have moments of clarity where I could convince myself those things weren’t true, that I was worth fighting for, so I would fight. I would start a diet and within a week or two something would happen that lined up with my bad perception of myself and I would quit. I became less willing to try over time. I became resentful and frustrated and depressed. I still struggle with this. My story about my self worth that was influenced by Chris and adapted and developed by me has a way of creeping up on me. Sometimes I notice something I don’t like about myself in the mirror and I obsess about it for some time. Sometimes I look in the mirror and feel pretty and the voice inside of me tries to remind me that fat girls don’t get “pretty days”. I have to tell myself to shut up – quiet down and go away! That’s not true!! When I say something and everyone in the room doesn’t drop everything and come listen to every word coming out of my mouth it is not because I am overweight it is because they’re busy, or preoccupied, or something else – but its not about me.

I’m still at a point where my weight loss isn’t noticeable to anyone but myself and I fear something coming along and knocking me off this ride and failing. And I initially feel comfort in thinking that people then wouldn’t know I failed, that I hadn’t done what I set out to do and it would be fine. I could just stay overweight and no one would know I want something different for myself. But then I remember that I’m writing this blog. That I’ve told everyone I know that I’m making this effort, that quitting now would mean that I have to own it and tell people. And that is not something I want to do. And ultimately giving up is not something I want to do either.

The Grey’s Anatomy episode ends with Meredith saying, “We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep todays possibility under tomorrows rug until we can’t anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering. That waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying.”

The pain of being so overweight has far exceeded the pain of facing my weight and self worth issues. It has been time to face all of this for a long time. And I am left with a giant tumor – the pain, the regret, the missed opportunities and experiences. But I won’t live in fear anymore. I will continue to try. Every day. I don’t want to wonder anymore about who Megan is as a healthier and happier person. I don’t want to long for her anymore. I want to work my ass off to become her and maintain her.

Old School

Posted on May 24, 2012 by jumpstartingme2

Remember when it was popular to fill out those never ending surveys about yourself and post them on MySpace and Facebook? Yea the post I’m working on is taking me longer than I thought it would so I decided to find a survey and do it so I had something to post tonight. An hour + later… here it is

Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Closed – Always. Bathroom door: Open – Always. Bedroom door: Closed – Always.
Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? No, I’m picky about what I put on my hair.
Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? I only use a fitted sheet, no top sheet.
Have you ever stolen a street sign before? Not that I remember, but street cones and other weird things yes in high school.
Do you like to use post-it notes? I’m more of a notepad kind of girl
Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? I don’t cut out coupons, I should though.
Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? Neither!?!?!
Do you have freckles? Yes. Arms, shoulders, used to have them on my face.
Do you always smile for pictures? If I know its being taken, yes.
What is your biggest pet peeve? Waiting on people.
Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Rarely if ever.
Have you ever peed in the woods? Yes, I’m sure I have although I’m struggling to bring up a true memory.
What about pooped in the woods? No I don’t think so. Eew.
Do you ever dance, even if there is no music playing? Yes definitely.
Do you chew your pens and pencils? I used to but not so much anymore.
What size is your bed? Queen. I know I sleep alone – or with Preston pretty regularly but I really want a giant King size bed all for myself
Is it ok for guys to wear pink? Absolutely!!!
Do you still watch cartoons? Only with Preston, never on my own.
What’s your least favorite movie? Robot in the Family – from a long time ago, worst movie ever!
What do you drink with dinner? Water. Sometimes Arnold Palmer or Diet Coke.
What do you dip a chicken nugget in? BBQ sauce or Honey Mustard – that is of course if I was eating chicken nuggets anymore
What is your favorite food? Pizza
What movies could you watch over and over again and never get sick of them? A League of Their Own, Hook – I’ve really become more of TV series watcher on Netflix and Grey’s is one I have watched through a couple of times.
Last person you kissed/kissed you? Kevin, an ex.
Were you ever a girl scout? Yes through 8th grade.
Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? Hahahaha – NO WAY!!!
When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? Maybe thank you notes at Christmas… not sure.
Can you change the oil on a car? I was taught once but probably not.
Ever gotten a speeding ticket? Yes like 4 of them in the 13 years I’ve been driving. Last one was over a year ago.
Ran out of gas? Yes, once. I had to call my friend to come rescue me.
Favorite kind of sandwich? Chicken salad or Peanut Butter and Honey.
Best thing to eat for breakfast? I love breakfast. All of it. Pancakes, waffles, omelets… Lately I’ve been enjoying some low calorie egg sandwiches, mmm…
What is your usual bedtime? 11pm
Are you lazy? Yes, yes I am. The part of myself I am currently doing battle with.
When you were a kid what did you dress up as for Halloween? First let me say I’m not really a fan of Halloween. Never really was. I was a princess once, Peter Pan, a farmer, and the March Hare.
How many languages can you speak? Just english. My undergrad major was in American Sign Language Interpreting, its not a spoken language and I am no longer fluent because I haven’t used it in years
Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Yes, one. Shape. It was like $2.50 for a year.
Which are better Legos or Lincoln Logs? Legos.
Are you stubborn? I can be, but I’m other things before stubborn.
Ever watch soap operas? No
Afraid of heights? YES HORRIFIED!!!
Sing in the car? Always! Now that Preston is old enough we sing duets – mostly Disney princess duets.
Dance in the shower? No, I’m not coordinated enough, I’d probably fall and break something if I tried.
Dance in the car? I try, its nothing noteworthy.
Every used a gun? Yes, my dad took me skeet shooting once.
Last time you got your portrait taken by a photographer? Senior pictures – 12 years ago…
Do you think musicals are cheesy? Only in the best way! Love me some musicals. I’ve been meaning to introduce Preston to Newsies soon!
Is Christmas stressful? No, not really. Its fun and I enjoy spending time with my family.
Ever eat a pierogi? Yes. Preston’s dad is half polish so I was introduced sometime while we were dating.
Favorite type of fruit pie? One that doesn’t have fruit in it. Strawberry Shortcake is the only dessert I allow fruit to come into contact with my dessert.
Take a vitamin daily? No, I should, but I don’t.
Wear slippers? Not since I was thinner – I was always cold then. Maybe next winter
Wear a bath robe? No but I’d love to have one.
What do you wear to bed? A tank top and pj pants usually. Nothing fancy or exciting unfortunately.
Wal-Mart, Target, or Kmart? TARGET.
Nike or Adidas? Nike.
Cheetos or Fritos? Cheetos!
Peanuts or Sunflower Seeds? Peanuts
Ever take dance lessons? Ballet when I was 5 and Jazz when I was 6. I got kicked out of ballet class for talking several times and the Jazz recital required me to jump out of a Chinese dragon head and I was too afraid so I quit.
Ever won a spelling bee? No, but that would be awesome! I kind of have a thing for spelling bees – like I own documentaries on the Scripps National Spelling Bee, that kind of thing
Have you ever cried from happiness? YES. When Preston was born.
Regularly burn incense? no
Ever been in love? Yes. Had my heart broken the first time. Broke his heart the second time. And kind of just drifted apart the 3rd time. Here’s hoping number 4 is a keeper!!
What was the last concert you saw? Ingrid Michaelson. :)
Hot tea or Cold tea? Both.
Tea or Coffee? Tea if I had to choose, never been into coffee. But I’d probably pick water over both of those choices.
Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? yes
Are you patient? No. This is one of my least favorite qualities…
Ever won a contest? I won 100, 100 Grand bars in 7th grade for correctly guessing how many matches were in a jar when we were celebrating the death of Joe Camel…. nothing since then. Lame.
Ever have plastic surgery? Not yet
Which are better, black or green olives? Depends on my mood. I only eat olives plain, never with or on top of something else.
Can you knit or crochet? no
Do you want to get married? Yes, probably more than anything else in this world.
Do you have kids? The one and only Preston Richard, the most perfect kid for me that God could have ever thought of
What is your favorite color? Green
Do you wear shoes in the house? As a result of living in Asia, I’m a no shoes in the house kind of person. Although I do wear flip flops when my feet hurt.
Who would you call first if you won the lottery? My best friend Katie
What’s the first thing you do when you go online? Facebook. Its my homepage, haha.
Do you like sushi? No. I wish I did because it would make me cooler. But my first sushi experienced consisted of sushi from the grocery store and MGD’s also after being exposed to stomach flu – needless to say the association has ruined sushi for me.
What are you doing tomorrow? Working a couple of hours. Exercising. Hanging with some friends from high school.

Wow. That took a lot longer than I thought it would. If you’ve read all the way to the bottom props to you! What are you doing tomorrow?

Lazy Town

Posted on May 23, 2012 by jumpstartingme2

I think I’m getting a hang of the food changes I have made over the past two and a half weeks. The hunger at night and other times has calmed down and the head hunger (when I think I’m hungry, but its not a message being sent from my stomach) has also dissipated. I am still working to perfect the right proportions of protein, fiber, veggies, and fruits etc. but the important thing is I’m making my calorie intake goal every day for the most part and I’m not feeling deprived! One of the keys to my success this far must be having several meal ideas that I can throw together in a matter of minutes so that I don’t feel like its a whole production just to eat. Maybe the nutrient content could be improved but I’ve got time to work on that

So the next piece of the puzzle is exercise. I recall really enjoying exercise after I had lost about 50lbs or so 7 years ago and I long to get back to that place. Then I was a college student with lots of time to go for a run or to the gym etc. Now I’m a single mom with a 4 year old who needs supervision at all times and I work in the evenings – the evenings I don’t work I have to stay home because he is sleeping so I can’t just go for a run all carefree and without responsibilities. So getting the exercise in is a different beast than it was 7 years ago. I have actually maintained some level of fitness over the years, I’m able to go an hour on the elliptical when I push myself and 7 years ago when I began losing weight 20 minutes almost killed me. I do take Preston with me to the gym a couple of days a week and that’s alright but the monotony of showing up at the every day is depressing to me – I really started to enjoy running because there’s so much to see and you’re outside but that is rarely an option for me lately. So I guess its just time to get creative. I have a library of workout DVD’s in my possession that would likely yield some good results.

I have actually only opened the top 3 DVD’s in that pile, and I’ve owned them all for some years now… I also have a copy of Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred – I think its in my sisters possession right now – I’ve heard good things about the 30 Day Shred. The problem is when to do them? And is it really enjoyable to sweat it out in front of your TV every day?? I just think its kind of boring. Anybody have advice on how to make DVD exercise fun? I would have to do these before Preston wakes up (ugh!) or after he goes to bed because I can just imagine him climbing all over me while I’m trying to hold plank pose and it being a bit frustrating (fun for him though!).

I also own a set of resistance bands (still in the package) that I used to know how to use. In fact, my senior year of college I took a class called Body Tune Up where we used only our own body weight and resistance bands to exercise, I wish I kept my workout plans and notes from that class! I suppose I could search around online for some resistance band ideas, or maybe find a DVD that focuses on using them.

I have a set of 10lb hand weights and 5lb hand weights. I have thought adding to my collection some 2 or 3lb weights might be beneficial – but in all honesty I don’t exactly know what to do with them (like how many reps, sets, how to work different muscle groups on different days etc). I also have my bike and my dad has one of those contraptions that holds your rear tire so you remain stationary – that’s definitely something I could do with Preston home I suppose. The thing with all of these ideas are that they kind of bore me. The only time I found myself gaining muscle and enjoying it was when I was seeing a trainer because then it became slightly social and intimidating enough for me to get it together – but I am not in a position to afford a trainer these days. I also still have issues with my knees so I can’t do squats right now and I know a lot of workout DVDs love to kill you with squats.

As I’m writing all of this its starting to feel like I’m just making excuses to not do what I should be doing. Clearly I have enough options to get my sweat on without leaving the house and faltering on my responsibility to supervise Preston. Maybe I just need to suck it up. I just need a plan! (I LOVE a good plan!!) I’m thinking of maybe challenging myself to workout everyday for a month or something and make my “rest” day a day that I go for a more leisurely bike ride or a long walk with Preston or something. Any ideas or suggestions to this whole – getting exercise in – dilemma would be greatly appreciated. Or cheerleading for me to just get off my butt and make a plan for myself I’d be ok with that too

What’s your favorite way to exercise at home? How do you stay motivated and enjoy your workouts when you’re at home? What kind of challenges have you tried with yourself to get you moving??

Crockpot White Chili

Posted on May 22, 2012 by jumpstartingme2

I LOVE using a crock pot. I am all about eating yummy food that is easy to prepare. If it takes me an hour to just get the meal in the oven or prepared it will probably rarely be made again. Crock pot cooking is so quick and simple and can create some pretty tasty fare.

I have been using a vegan chili recipe for the past few months but red beans aren’t my favorite and I was getting tired of it, so I decided to look around for a white chili recipe. I stumbled upon several different variations of white chili and created one of my own that turned out seriously yummy. If I add or tweak this recipe I will be sure to update this post with changes.

So here’s what you’ll need:

3 Cups Low Sodium Chicken Broth – I used Imagine Organic Free Range Chicken Broth Low Sodium, it was the lowest sodium I could find.
1 Chicken Breast – I threw a frozen one in the crock pot in the am for a couple of hours with some broth to cook it through so that I could shred it, then added it to the mix with everything later. You could even make the shredded chicken ahead of time and freeze it and then just throw it in with all the other ingredients.
2 cans Cannellini White Kidney Beans – drained and rinsed off (you can dump the can with liquid if you want it to be super easy, but the syrupy liquid in the can creeps me out)
1 can No Salt Added Whole Kernel Corn – drained – you can use frozen if you prefer, I just find it ends up being mushier than canned corn in crock pot recipes.
4oz. can of Mild Diced Green Chilies
1/2 White Onion chopped
2-3 Cloves of Garlic minced
1/2 tsp Italian Seasoning
1 1/2 tsp Cumin
Salt and Pepper to taste

Chop and mince the onion and garlic and dump everything else into the pot and set on high for 3 1/2 to 4 1/2 hours. I chose not to add any salt to keep the sodium down and it tasted ok to me but if you like your salt I’d definitely add some. I added a little shredded mozzarella, you could also top with some tortilla strips for a little more crunch.

This recipe makes 6 – 1 cup sized servings. Here is the nutritional breakdown based off of the ingredients I used (not including the cheese on top)

So pair that with something green, a side salad, or broccoli or something and you have yourself a really tasty and fulfilling meal. Enjoy!

Two weeks & 8lbs down!

Posted on May 21, 2012 by jumpstartingme2

Important news first: Lost 2.4lbs this week! I’ll be honest I was hoping for 3, but I will totally take 2.4! :) That brings my two week total to 8.2lbs down, and I really feel good. My clothes feel a little bit looser and I can see that I’m less puffy in my face. I am planning to take pictures of myself for every 10lbs or so that I lose, so I’m looking forward (relatively speaking) to taking new pictures to see if there is any difference that you can see from a photograph.

This weekend was exactly what I needed! Preston and I packed up the car and drove down to central Illinois to visit my best friend Katie and her amazing little girls Lorelei (3) and Sophie (8 months). They recently moved to a new house and this was our first visit there. Katie and I have known each other since we were 12 years old – talk about the most awkward stage of your life ever! We have managed to maintain our friendship over hundreds of miles for the past 11 years or so since we finished high school. She is truly my best friend and I always feel refreshed after a visit with her. Preston and Lorelei have known each other since infancy and get along really well – they had a blast this weekend!

Katie got out the little pool for the kids. We took them to the park in the morning. I made dinner for Katie and myself after the kids were in bed and we had ourselves some wine and girl talk in the hot tub. We had a great time. I think that making sure I have fun things like trips down south planned are really beneficial to my overall wellbeing. And weekends that Preston is with me seem to be the hardest part of the week for me, so it was a great way to spend our weekend.

We came home on Saturday night so that we could be home on Sunday for a big family meal with my sister’s in-laws. Sundays are typically a day that my dad cooks dinner. He is an AMAZING cook. He smokes meat and other various things and has really taken a liking to cooking for the family on the weekends. The hard part is that its not generally the most healthy stuff – and I certainly have no idea on calorie counts. Last weekend I requested he make something healthy because it was Mother’s Day and I got to have an input. This weekend however was a different story. He made steak with a garlic/butter sauce, smoked potatoes covered in cheese and bacon and grilled asparagus covered in an unknown amount of oil. My mom also bought a cake to celebrate my sister and brother-in-laws anniversary. I started the day as usual with some Fiber One for breakfast and a piece of fruit. But I quickly realized that it would be a really challenging day to stay on my diet. Additionally Preston had not slept well Saturday night, which meant I didn’t sleep so well, and when I’m even a little bit tired I struggle to feel like I want to make good food choices.

I ultimately decided to just participate in the meal and get back on track this morning. Since we had company I didn’t want to draw attention to myself requiring a different menu and the food looked really good. I thought through everything and thought that if this is to be a realistic, life long change then I don’t want to always feel like I have to abstain from the feast. I certainly can’t join in every weekend but this was one I wanted to enjoy. I do wish we ate more food that fell on the healthier side of things but I can’t change what everyone else eats so there are times I just have to say no.

After dinner yesterday I felt a little disappointed in myself for not being strong enough to do my own thing. I went online and looked at a variety of inspiring things to help keep me motivated – in the past I may let a choice like enjoying Sunday night dinner turn into a complete deviation from the diet for several weeks. I was catching up on some of my blogs and was motivated by reading the story of Katie’s (different Katie than my best friend) success of completing her first marathon yesterday!! It was a long and hot journey for her and she even contemplated only running half of it but she persevered and completed the whole thing. Reading her story helped me to remember that you can’t get down on yourself for deviating for a moment or two from your plan. Its all about the big picture and pushing yourself to keep going even when you want to cut the journey short. Thank you Katie (she’s at www.runsforcookies.com – check her blog out!) for inspiring me to stick with it and keep going.

This morning I got up and took Preston to the gym and burned 750 calories on the elliptical!! My knee hasn’t been bothering me much and I felt great through the whole workout. We did our weekly grocery shopping and I wasn’t tempted to buy anything that’s off limits so that was also a success! Now I’m watching Alice in Wonderland with Pres and can smell my dinner cooking in the crock pot (If it turns out as good as it smells I’ll be sharing the recipe tomorrow!) Hope you all had a great weekend!

Jump Starting Me

My attempt to embrace the journey while finding health and happiness

Monthly Archives: May 2012